Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Aspic Ratio

Soon it will be time for lots of fun retro holiday ads, but I just found this amazing gelatin extravaganza from 1960, and I knew I had to let you in on this idea that will add a certain je-ne-sais-quoi to any entertaining you might want to do.

Yes, imagine what the guests will say when you surprise them at your next party with an Aspic Aquarium.

If you want to make this Aquarium, this is how you're supposed to do it. Unfortunately the ad does not give any proportions or ingredient specifications.* You take some clear Knox gelatin, add a touch of lemon juice and sugar and blue food coloring and pour it into - um, an oblong Tupperware box, I guess. And before it gels you put in shrimp, cauliflower bits and cooked pasta shells on the bottom. Then drop in some fish that you made out of strips of green pepper. Also, sprinkle in escarole, parsley and scallions to look like seaweed.

Finally, you must garnish it with lashings of Hellmann's mayonnaise. And place many bowls of the same around the aquarium, in tribute to the culinary masterminds who gave you this idea.

Do not be put off by the fact that your guests are all clustered at the other end of the room, and are trying desperately to ignore the Aspic Aquarium. Or that a silhouette/shadow man is lurking nearby, who will stare creepily at everyone until someone approaches the snack table.

In my desperate search for a mildly amusing title I have nabbed the term aspect ratio which you can learn about at the link; basically it means the relationship between height and width of something, in an image. That could sort of apply to an aquarium made out of gelatin, right?

*They may have sensed that no one will actually want to do this.

2 comments:

Mimi said...

Jesus I need to figure out how to make this now. Dammit.

Marcheline said...

Egads... as if the combination of ingredients inside the aspic isn't stomach-turning enough... I mean, who eats mayonnaise with jello? I wouldn't even begin to know how to approach that! Mayo is slippery enough by itself. Can you imagine trying to put a dollop of mayo on a bowl of jello? It would be like a circus act gone wrong! And to actually EAT it?!?!? GAHHHHHHH!

Excellent ad, though! I like creepy shadow guy. I'd put some mayo on HIM...